Find Your “Herd”
As equestrians we all share an undeniable love for horses. For most, this love includes an unquenchable thirst for knowledge about every aspect of horses. For some of us, this interest is kindled at a very young age. I mean surely I couldn’t have been the only kid that checked out every horse book at school or the public library. Maybe I took the “crazy horse girl” to an extreme...but I’m going to assume that you are as enchanted by all things horse as much as I am.
Horses are prey animals with a strong fight-or-flight response. They share this response with us humans. In addition to being a prey animal, horses are herd animals. They are very social creatures, which is why it’s no surprise they naturally form companionship attachments to their own species and to other animals, including humans. Humans are undoubtedly the most social animals on the planet, and although humans aren’t considered herd animals, it’s safe to say that humans share herd traits similar to those found within the horse world.
In the horse world, there’s a whole lot of socializing that takes place. Once we decided to domesticate horses some 6,000 years ago, the need for barns followed soon after. You know, the little horse houses we call stalls? Chances are, at some point in your riding career you boarded at a barn or you were apart of their lesson program. From the very first time you entered a barn, you unknowingly joined a barn “herd” as well.
I think it would be interesting to look inside the social structure of that barn. Like horses, barns come in all shapes, sizes, prices, and appeal. There is more to a barn than just it’s amenities and physical structures or aesthetics. After boarding or taking regular lessons, the attraction to the barn becomes more complicated. Of course there’s the fuzzy faces hanging outside the stall doors greeting you each day when you step foot into the barn. But there’s a whole human team making up the entirety of that barn: trainers, caretakers, fellow boarders and students.
One thing I have never been able to wrap my head around as an equestrian is how the horse “herd mentality” begins to transfer to humans. What does herd mentality even mean? Herd mentality describes the behavior in which people act the same way or adopt similar behaviors as the people around them. Think of a horse blindly following the herd no matter where they go just because that’s what the herd is doing. You know as well as I do that this mentality exists almost everywhere we look within this industry.
You can certainly sense it, even if you don’t know what it is, as a new comer that hasn’t been accepted into the “herd” just yet. Or maybe you’ve just left a barn to board at a competitor barn and now you’re viewed as the outcast. Providing that you leave on good terms, it’s hard to grasp the idea that people you developed camaraderie with will soon be considered to be the enemy. The same people that used to clap their hands for you ringside, can become the same people that stab you in the back. The same people that used to cheer for you, can become the one’s dragging your name through the mud. Like the horses blindly following their herd, sometimes humans blindly follow their peers bullying another individual. It’s as easy as repeating a rumor you heard someone else say, without even having confirmation that what’s been shared is even true.
You did not know that the loyalty of the people you rooted for and spent countless days, weeks, weekends and years riding with were only offering you conditional, loyalty. If you have been around the barn world for any amount of time, you know that the “battle of the barns” mentality is real if you aren’t apart of their “herd” anymore.
Because we spend so much time at the barn, it’s natural that we build friendships with our barn mates outside of the barn. It’s a very tight and close fraternity. In this sport we are so critical of ourselves already that the last thing we need is other people offering unsolicited judgement, especially from the people we consider to be on the same team. And to make matters harder, in the worst barns sometimes you aren’t even safe within your own “herd”. One thing we have in common with each other is that we are all unique and different. But the one overriding bond between us is that we share a common love for horses. Why do we often end up having to endure the cruelty of the herd as if it’s a price to be paid for loving horses? Why does someone’s barn, beliefs, goals, breed of horse, brand of clothing/tack, physical appearance, personal life, financial circumstances, or level of riding skills determine how someone is treated?
It is arguable that as strong as you need to be physically in the saddle for the sport, you need to be even stronger mentally in order to withstand the cruelty you will inevitably endure. But how do you ride through the herd mentality knowing that it’s all around you? I can tell you this much, if your “herd” makes you question if they have your back, you need to move on and find yourself a new one. You spend most days of the week and a considerable amount of time at the barn, and naturally you should enjoy the people you are around when you are there. Trust me, there is a barn, and a “herd” that is right for you, but you may just have to try out a few before you find it.
Let’s break it down into a few of the biggest determining factors in finding the right barn or “herd”:
Training / goals
Barn mates
Boarding / Care
Facility / Amenities
HAPPINESS
First and foremost, let’s discuss your goals. Perhaps you just want to learn how to ride so you can trail ride or just ride for fun. Or maybe you have this burning desire to horse show. Depending on your specific goals, you’ll need to find a trainer that can best help you reach them. Your trainer should be someone that helps you work towards being your best, while leaving you inspired, not deflated. Trainers are human after all, so they all have their own ways of communicating their messages to their students. Depending on your personality type, you may want someone that takes a softer sugar coated approach. Or perhaps you can handle the blunt tough love. Ultimately, that will be up to you to decide.
Before you decide, I recommend touring several barns. Don’t be afraid to ask if you can sit in and audit their lessons. This is a great way to access if their personality, methods and communication style align with what will allow you or your horse to thrive. At the end of the day not every personality type will mesh well with one another, and that’s perfectly okay. This includes the existing boarders or clients within the lesson program. When you walk in do you feel welcome? Are you met with smiling faces? Or do you feel a cold stare? As hard as it will be to get out of your comfort zone, spark some chat with anyone that’s around while you tour.
If you own your own horse, but don’t have your own barn, you’ll need to find a barn that also offers boarding / care. Boarding isn’t a one size fits all. Most prestigious show barns offer “full board”, and for a pretty sizable up-charge there’s nothing they won’t do. Full board often covers grain/hay (feeding), shavings/stall cleaning, filling water buckets, and if available, turnout. Of course there’s the luxury of knowing they will see to your horses veterinary or farrier needs as well. Want your horse’s feet picked twice a day? No problem. Do you want medicine applied to a fresh wound? No problem. Does Baby need to be fed a cookie morning, noon and night? You got it sugar! You can see where I am going with this.
But for some, you might prefer to be more hands on and responsible for your horse’s needs. Financially, maybe this is all you can afford. Maybe this means you opt for partial board, which will allow you to save money by providing your own grain, hay and shavings. Or perhaps you even take on the responsibility of cleaning your own stall. You’ll need to decide which barn will not only be able to help you, but which will also be able to cater to your horse’s needs.
What about the facility as a whole? What does it have to offer? Maybe it has all the bells and whistles a horse girl could dream about…perhaps it has a covered arena, beautiful stall fronts, drool worthy tack rooms, pastures with endless supplies of green grass, or state of the art horse treadmills and hot walkers…the list goes on and on. Just think Pinterest and imagine the “creme de la creme” of barns. Glamorous right? But what’s a pretty barn if you’re surrounded by people that are nothing but “ugly” inside? Maybe you think you would have a better chance politically due to the trainer at this facility…so you tolerate the other people. Or maybe all you care about is the appearance you give off on social media. But it’s not about the physical appearance or keeping up with the Jones’s as much as it’s about what will make you happiest.
If my horse is well fed, well cared for, and I’m surrounded by the people that support me - I will choose that above all else. Maybe your barn is just a barn. It has a box that you call a stall, and a square area that can be called a ring. If you are surrounded by people that are genuine, kind, and supportive, perhaps that’s where you choose to become apart of a “herd”. Riding is a mental sport, so don’t you think you owe it to yourself to ensure your mental health remains healthy? We ride because we love horses, it should bring us joy. And that joy can be shared amongst our barn mates. Heck, your barn mates joy should bring you joy. We should all be happy for one another whether we ride in the same barn (“herd”) or not. At the right barn you can develop a sense of “family” or camaraderie unlike any other, and if it’s truly a good herd, they’ll have your back no matter where life takes you.
Loving horses, or riding isn’t just a hobby, it’s a lifetime long love affair. Have you ever stopped to think that your surroundings might not just be hindering your riding but also affecting who you are as a person? Those very surroundings can be what is holding you back from reaching your dreams! Personally, I want to be surrounded by the riders who applaud for their competitors and other barns. The one’s that speak kindness and positivity into existence in a world full of hate and negativity. I want to be apart of a barn that shares compliments instead of gossip and rumors. I want to be a part of the herd that inspires others to join. I want to be apart of the herd that welcomes everyone. The herd that chooses to root for the other herds. There is plenty of negativity in this world, and I mean REAL negativity and hardship. Why should we add to it with petty barn drama?
This sport is truly admirable. Blood, sweat, tears, and time are put into horse back riding. As horsemen / women we need to do better to hold ourselves to a higher standard. One that reflects our sport the way that it deserves. Every “herd” has a strong dominant leader. If your barn doesn’t have one, stand up and lead the way. Be the example and lead with kindness. If your peers begin to fall into the temptation to speak poorly of others, encourage them to DO better. BE better! Let’s make it a safer space for all riders, horses, spectators and young boys and girls who may be looking to find their first “herd” and barn family. I challenge you to compliment riders outside of your barn. Compliment someone in the same class as you. Perhaps you wish your competitor good luck before they enter the ring, or as they are passing by as you warm up.
Even as professionals, we should stand together in solidarity for our love of horses and the sport. If you’ve taken away anything from my blogs, it’s that we aren’t truly at competition with anyone but ourselves. Hold yourself accountable to be better than the person you were yesterday for the sake of your herd, and others.